I'm a bit of a shady character. Not in a baby pinching, puppy abuser sort of way, but I am flaky, unreliable and not apt to move my ass unless absolutely necessary. Some might say there is beauty in knowing one's self, others might say it is entirely pitiful to understand this part of myself and not do much to remedy it. Since it would take far too much energy to dwell on it, I am content to let it be. Most of the time. There are some times when I look at myself, or am forced to do so, and get a flicker of fire up my ass and I make the effort. The key part of that is being forced to do so.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I got outed by the Library Ladies. It is an experience that I alternately rejoice about or feel far too naked about. Not only was I shocked to learn they had actually discovered my blog, I was mortified to admit that I had a staggering library fine for a Cars movie I had had in my possession for nearly 10 months. I ran into one of The Ladies a couple of weeks ago and she told me to turn myself in, that I was not at all the worse offender. She knew of one person who had a fine exceeding $300. I thought to myself, "Wow, what kind of a loser would have that sort of fine?" And made a vow to turn myself in. So a few days ago Devon, Cass and I ventured out to the library to face The Ladies and turn in our materials. First I had to stop by the video rental store to have all the scratches removed from Cars. No, I didn't scratch it, nor did anybody in our house. But one of the reasons I held on to it for so long was that I was worried the library staff would look at my sorry record of delinquencies and assume I was the guilty party for treating their materials so badly. Yes, I know that points at all sorts of paranoid baggage on my part, but if there is a sin to admit to I feel the need to 'fess up whether or not I committed the badness.

It turns out I was not the only one turning myself in for negligent library habits that day. Earlier in the morning somebody had returned a book they had checked out in 2001. That's something like seven years! What kind of slacker does that, I ask??? And me? My fine was a measly $20. Oh yeah, baby! Twenty bucks. Turns out that by actually returning the items, or most of them since Devon had long absorbed the Cars video box into his continuum, I whacked my fine down to almost nothing. In my excited state I chatted with the Library Ladies and all was good. We left the library with an entire season of Big Love for me and a Super Friends video for Devon, I felt so normal and filled with assurance that this time I actually will get them all in on time. As we exited the doors I still felt naked, but in a super good way.