Caloden

Yesterday Cass, Loren and I headed to the library so that Cassidy could check out some of the books on her required summer reading list. She is one third of the way through the summer and the fact that she hasn't conquered the entire list is starting to eat at her which, of course, means that she is starting to eat on me about it. I am always a bit hesitant to set foot in the library because I am sure that I top their list of the 10 Most Irresponsible Library Patrons. Sure enough, I checked my library card online before we went and I had a fine for $78. But Cass was insistent and I didn't feel like battling her, so in we went. Cassidy had also lost her library card, another problem in our house, so when we arrived we had to wait in line to get a new one. While waiting there I smiled at a friend of mine who works there and I was aware of some sort of exchange between her and one of the other librarians. It took me a moment to realize the exchange was about me until I heard one of them say, "She's here!" I got a sinking feeling in my gut as I thought, "Oh, God. They know. They are looking at their computer screens and seeing that I have had a copy of the Cars video since October. They are going to announce to the entire place that I have set a new record for library irresponsibility."

I tried to make some small talk to discern just what they knew when one of them said, "We read your blog." Another sinking feeling, only this one was ringed with panic. I was hoping against hope they meant the DIY life blog, except I have only just recently again started writing for them. But somehow I knew from their smiles that DIY Life couldn't bring that much glee. Sure, it has some cool posts but nothing so juicy as to inspire this level of Cheshire Cat toothiness. So I took a deep breath and asked as quietly as I could, "Um, do you mean Caloden?" They bobbed their heads up and down and proceeded to fill me in on how they had come across it a few weeks ago on a slow Saturday at work. While I felt the walls closing in on me I cursed those rotten children who should have been filling the library on that day instead of spending a sunny afternoon at the pool. How could these two have possible found Caloden? A question I posed to them and they replied, "Well, it is the internet. Nothing is private." Oh right, damn on that. And it isn't as though I expect it to be private. But really, this little corner of the cyber world where Caloden is parked? Not much happening over here. I know there are a couple of Jen's who read me, my statcounter lets me know the details. But I guess I always thought that if somebody were to encounter my blog it wold be because they happen to live in some other part of the world. Not my part. The ladies and I spent some time discussing my foray in to airing my oh-so-private life details on the internet and how some parts of it really struck a chord. It was actually a really great conversation, though I couldn't quite shed the feeling that not only was I missing all my clothing from my waist down, I had failed to shave my legs for months and my cellulite was hanging out for all the world to see. My friend asked me the name of the soccer mom I had skewered a couple of months back and while I didn't heave it up I did mention how many children she had and few other details. She thought for a moment and mouthed a name back at me. I nodded my head, thinking that at least I hadn't shouted it out at the top of my lungs, I have tact that way. She then asked if the kids read it. I said that yes, they do from time to time. They do, sometimes they laugh and other times they ask me what the hell I am thinking. My friend also said that it was nice to hear another mom voice those things that really aren't all that maternal, the sorts of things you can't readily mention at play groups.

Overall, it wasn't the library experience I had pictured. As we left with a pile of books for Cassidy I still felt mostly panicked. While exiting the doors Cass patted my hand and said, "Mom, do you think they know you have such a huge library fine?" I laughed and replied, "Honey, if they can find my blog they likely know all about my naughty library habits."

PS: Library Ladies, I am truly touched you have found Caloden. It might not be a place of tranquility or contain the sort of reads you would share with civilized company. But it is mine and so much of the past three years of my life is here, in a much more honest tone that I would be able to admit any other place. Thanks for reading and thanks for letting me know, much better than to run into you some time while I am with that other soccer mom and ask me just who's child it was that got persecuted for crapping their pants!