For the last few weeks I have walked about my days with a certain bounce to my step. Like a middle-aged woman having a juicy affair with a man far too handsome and way too young, I have had an inner secret. I have known that as of this morning at 11:55, I would be without my older two children for 20 days. Twenty days! That is three weeks minus one day. That is 2*10. That is nearly 500 hours without a teen and a diva. That is some seriously guaranteed peace of mind, a Pass Go, No fighting for nearly three weeks, not hearing about bad behaviors, no talking about Hannah Montana or Zac Efron. That is some damned good stuff. The last time I got this sort of break was five years ago when they went to stay with their dad's parents for four weeks. Needless to say that invitation has never been repeated. So who is the lucky recipient this time around??? Their father's sister! Oh, yes. Those people of Mormon upbringing are far too trusting for their own good. The parents might be on to my older two spawn, but their daughter extended a saving hand when I was gasping for breath and offered to take my kids so that I could catch myself and figure out how the hell to function.

For the last few days I have been happily doing laundry, planning outfits for the hot, humid Missouri weather and cleverly packing Cassidy's mountains of clothing and Loren's meager straggles of over-sized shirts and long shorts. This morning we got up in what seemed like the middle of night to drive over the Continental divide to get to the airport in a timely manner. We meandered about the terminals as Cassidy stared wide-eyed at the throngs of people and the many shopping opportunities available to her. And then it was time to line up and board the plane, Cassidy, who had been a bit apprehensive all morning, hopped in her father's lap and began to cry. But rather than show too much mercy, we coaxed her into line and began our final good-byes. My last glimpse of them as they walked down the airline tube was Cass reaching out her scrawny arm for Loren's hand, him holding tight as she leaned her head towards his shoulder and he rested his dark head atop her red one. It was then that the ball of anxiety that had been growing in my gut evolved in to full fledged panic. These were my nearest and dearest and I was sending them on a plane, possibly to their ends, simply so that I could get a breather. I wanted to run down the tunnel, scoop them up and stuff them back in my womb for safe keeping. Instead I tried to breathe and watched as the plane taxied down the runway and out of sight. Then Matt and I wandered about Denver, ate two of the best sandwiches, ever, and headed back home.

Tonight Devon is lost without his siblings. Since my father went away to work and never came back, he has some abandonment issues and he doesn't want to discuss the whereabouts of his brother and sister. But he is oh-so-happy with the assortment of glass animals I brought him from my favorite art store and he is tucked in to his car bed with them. I have talked with Loren and Cass and heard the excitement in their voices. Loren needed to get away from the temptations that currently comprise his life and I need to buy some time to learn how to deal with them. Cassidy is happy to go along for an adventure. But for as much blustery hoolah-baloohahing that I have been trumpeting for the past few weeks, I miss them both and feel almost barren without the everyday chaos that surrounds them both.